Glamour recently released their list of ’13 Little Things That Can Make a Man Fall Hard for You’ and were promptly ridiculed because it was totally offensive to both men and women.
Seemingly jumping out of the 1950s, the guide included things like “let him solve your petty work problem” and “making him a snack after sex” because all men are total stereotypes and women are weak people who can’t solve problems, apparently.
We thought we’d make an equally offensive list of 13 little things that can make a woman fall hard for you (you’re welcome, chaps).
- Buy her a pumpkin spiced latté. All the girls love a pumpkin spiced latté!
- Poke her with your erection while in bed. That’ll make her horny.
- Send her pictures of cute cats to her work email. If she can even get email on her toaster. Because all women work in the kitchen, am I right guys?
- Take her shopping and buy her something pretty! Women have been known to give blowjobs in return for diamonds.
- Petrol station flowers are affordable, convenient, and they can get you out of trouble!
- Stop playing video games to text her. As if you’re physically capable of that, am I right lads??
- Take her to see Dapper Laughs (even if she doesn’t want to).
- Buy her a new iron. Women love presents they can use!
- Take her out for a Nando’s, Perfect for birthdays or anniversaries.
- Let her gossip to her friends every now and then, she’ll be so thankful you let her!
- If you really love her, show her. Stop flirting with random girls on Tinder.
- The best way to make sure she knows how you feel is to constantly check her phone and steal her Facebook password. You can never be too careful!
- Fart all over her. Pheromones. It’s science.